I LOVE BACK SEATS
Is there anything more romantic than the back seat of a 1989 Dodge Lancer? Yeah, we didn't think so.

WHORE!
Is there any hole you won't put it in?

I ROCKED THE CASBAH
The 1980s were totally tubular. We rocked that casbah like nobody's business. If you pretend you didn't, you're lying.

FUNBAGS
Boobs, bazookas, flapjacks, sweater kittens, tatas, guns, flesh pillows, knockers, jugs, headlights, air bags, melons, bouncers, or sin cushions. Call them whatever you want, with this shirt you're certain to be felt up.

THAT'S HOW I ROLL
Can you please help me up? I seem to have fallen over.

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKER
You kiss your mother with that mouth?

PLEASE READ MY BLOG
You are not funny or clever. Your blog is mind-boggingly boring and the only reason anybody ever visits your page is because of the occasional web-cam nudity.

SWEET LINCOLN'S MULLET
Most Americans are unaware that President Abraham Lincoln was the originator of the classic mullet hair style. He also invented parachute pants and the Rubik's Cube.

I'M BEING STALKED ON MYSPACE
You have 3,000 MySpace friends. At least 5 of them are plotting to kill you.

BODY BY VIDEO GAMES
Thank you Mario, Zelda, and Madden. We owe our man tits and virginity all to you.

I "LOVE" SOCCER MOMS
You are one fine piece of mommy meat. We never knew the third row seat of a Dodge Caravan could be so much fun.

I LOVE HAN
Sure, he may be a stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking, nerf-herder. But he's cute and he wears a vest. And who doesn't love a man in a vest?

I SPEAK JIVE
Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.

I KILLED A GUY WITH A TRIDENT
We're really proud of you. You kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.

URBAN COWGIRL
Are you a city slicker? Have you saved a horse and rode a cowboy? Well, if you haven't, you should. And if you have, this shirt is for you. Giddy up ladies!

YOUR MOM BLOWS LIKE A VOLCANO
Your mom is a classy lady. That's why we were all so surprised she spent last night in the back of a 1983 conversion van with half of the "Johhny's Inn" softball team.

I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND TO YOU AN INVITATION TO THE PANTS PARTY
Come on in!

10th ANNUAL STABBY McMURDERSON GOLF CLASSIC
If you didn't make the "cut", you can still support this prestigious event by wearing the shirt.

I'M A BIG DEAL
Maybe you haven't heard. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

SOMETIMES, WHEN I'M ALL ALONE, I GOOGLE MYSELF
Oh baby, I can't control myself. Have you seen my metatags? They're so sexy. And my keywords... Rrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I'VE BEEN IN A HILTON
And it was filthy.

TALENTLESS BUT MOTIVATED
You may not be the most talented girl in town, but you are the easiest.

HOMOSEXUALS ARE GAY
In other breaking news... heterosexuals are straight!

I HAVE TOURETTE SYNDROME, FUCKER
Bitch! Slut! Whore! Oh, sorry about that. Can't control myself. Mother Fucking Asshole Dick Pussy!

I MET A TENDERONI AT THE PEACH PIT AFTER DARK
It was another crazy night in the 90210. David Silver was rockin' the turntable. Donna Martin just graduated. I met a tenderoni and life was good.

SURE THING
Not many things in this life are guaranteed. However, getting lucky with you is one of them. It's not a matter of IF... it's only a matter of WHEN.

TUNE IN TOKYO
Most men think they're doing women a favor when they execute their "nipple pinch and twist" maneuver. Here's a hint: Stop. You're retarded if you think women like that.

INSECURITY
Big, tough guys work security at bars and concerts. You are a tiny, timid fairy man. In this shirt, there's a good chance an actual security dude will punch you in the throat.

SPLATTERED HEART
What's that? You think we should see other people? Splat.

HASSHOLE
You've been called a lot of things in your lifetime. But an old man calling you a Hasshole in an Arby's parking lot was the most hurtful and confusing of them all.

PERSONAL AD ALIBI NEEDED
We hope this guy finds what he's looking for. But we hope the police find him first.

PEE WEE SUPERSTAR
Has anybody's celebrity star shown brighter than that of Pee Wee? Maybe Marlon Brando in his prime. But just maybe.

DOUBLE DOWN
You always double down on an eleven. Always.

P IS FOR PORTMAN
Damn Natalie, you a crazy chic.

I HAVE THE BIGGEST COCK IN THE BAND
Sure you do.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, O.J. KILLS PEOPLE
O.J. kills, so drink milk. You've been warned.

BABY, TONIGHT I WON'T SHOOT FIRST
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster in your pants.

HOW YOU DOIN' JOHHNY CAKES?
Vito likes the tall stacks.

TWO CHICKS AT THE SAME TIME
Two chicks? That is some sweet action.

DRUNK CHICKS DO ME
Hey sexy lady, let me buy you another refreshing Zima.

GAME OVER
Well, that sucked.

EVERY GIRL REMEMBERS HER FIRST DIRTY SANCHEZ
Is there anything more magical than your wedding night? Only if it involves a smelly mustache.

I GAVE MY WORD TO STOP AT THIRD!
You're not a virgin. You've been more accurately described as a two-bit street whore. But in this shirt, your parents will think you're as pure as newly fallen snow.

I DON'T WANT TO PRESS 1 FOR ENGLISH
We love illegal immigrants as much as the next guy. But this is America and we speak English dammit!

I WAS A BIG DEAL IN 1982!
Ahh... the 1980s. Breakdancing, mustaches, Atari, and virginity (which technically lasted into the late 1990s.)

PLEASE STOP SENDING ME VIRAL VIDEOS
The guy gets a tennis ball to the nuts. We get it.

GILF
Milfs are a wonderful treat. But if you ever have the opportunity to bump uglies with an elusive Gilf, you won't be sorry.

STATE CHAMPION
This tshirt will fool dumb people into thinking you may actually be good at something.

ADVENTURELAND GAMES
Nobody wins a big ass panda. Ever.

VINYL
Keep it old school. Put the needle on the record.

I WON'T LOVE YOU LONG TIME
Sorry stud, but I work the 5am shift at the Imperial Palace. Let's get this over with.

WHAT WOULD PONCH DO?
Officer Francis Llewellyn Poncherello is a very wise and sexy Mexican. We could all learn a lot from him.

WHEN I PASS OUT LATER TONIGHT
I only have a few simple requests. And if you're kind to me, the next time I find you face down under a park bench I will return the favor.